thedollydamnllama:

exit 75 i’m still alive: thedollydamnllama: exit 75 i’m still alive: thedollydamnllama:…

thedollydamnllama:

exit 75 i’m still alive: thedollydamnllama: webelieveyou: If you see something and do nothing,…

rnbrucker:

thedollydamnllama:

webelieveyou:

If you see something and do nothing, you’re not a witness. You’re an accomplice.

Oh man, this!

alright, I…

I actually misunderstood your original post, I think, and for that I am really sorry. I’m also sorry for the snark in my original reply, it was completely unwarranted.

You’re absolutely correct that someone may witness a crime but be unable to step forward. I didn’t write the post, but I knew what she meant and was blind to the other possible interpretations. I’ll talk to the specific contributor who wrote that post and ask for their permission to edit it and add a disclaimer.

Would it be enough to specify that the sentiment is meant only for those who are capable of intervening yet fail to do so, or should there be something else added as well?

No worries—I’m also sorry; my initial response sounds rather abrasive and was primarily driven more by emotion than anything.

I think a specification like that does sound good, and maybe an addition that it’s okay to think about your own safety in those sorts of situations if you’re trying to figure out if you should intervene? On the surface, that can sound like a selfish reason so I’m not sure if that kind of disclaimer would get the blog any sort of negative attention, but it’s still a valid reason. There’s a reason they tell you to put your own oxygen mask on during a flight emergency before helping someone else, basically.

thedollydamnllama:

exit 75 i’m still alive: thedollydamnllama: webelieveyou: If you see something and do nothing,…

rnbrucker:

thedollydamnllama:

webelieveyou:

If you see something and do nothing, you’re not a witness. You’re an accomplice.

Oh man, this!

alright, I was going to go to bed but then I started thinking about this post again and I got pissed off

because a statement like that is far too broad…

Not sure if you looked into the OP, but it’s a project blog specifically for victims of sexual assault. It was created as a counter to the victim blaming backlash the Steubenville Jane Doe faced after she was brutalized.

I’d say that makes it pretty obvious that they’re talking about people who witness sexual assault and do nothing.

(content warning for discussion of sexual assault)

Hi! I did in fact look at the blog, which helped put the post into more of a context for me, but even within the context of people who witness sexual assault, it’s still a highly-generalized and very problematic statement. I’m still sticking by my reasons for why someone would not interfere, in a situation. The Steubenville case was definitely the most horrific example that I’ve read about in recent history.

Still sticking by my reasons, with an additional one thrown in that I thought about earlier that is admittedly less plausible with the Steubenville case (from what I saw of the photo that was going around the internet) but more possible in the other contexts that sexual assault can and does occur. It’s possible that passerby and witnesses aren’t even aware that an assault is taking place. It’s a shit reason, but if we consider how consent and sexual assault isn’t exactly spelled out for people—especially young people—then sexual harassment and assault can occur without witnesses even realizing that it’s an actual crime.

When I was discussing this with some people, someone pointed out that it also creates a rather difficult situation of whether or not the victim (a hypothetical victim for this example; I’m not referring to Jane Doe in the Steubenville case) would want to report what happened to them. That is a choice that is up to them. This same friend also pointed out that it’s really important to notice the difference between witnessing an event happening, and witnessing an event while taking pictures and laughing about what it is like it’s a big joke. I recall the video of those guys knowing that it was rape and treating it like it was the funniest thing ever.

If that is the kind of witnessing that you were referring to—the witnessing that actively encourages the crime—then I can definitely see the point you were trying to make with your original post. However, witnessing is still not always accompanying the perpetrator(s). Also, amicoolyet’s response doesn’t counter what I pointed out in my original reply. I’m not sure if a counterpoint was your intention, but if it was, then it hasn’t been made very clear.

thedollydamnllama:

webelieveyou:

If you see something and do nothing, you’re not a witness. You’re an accomplice.

Oh man, this!

alright, I was going to go to bed but then I started thinking about this post again and I got pissed off

because a statement like that is far too broad and carries a lot of unfortunate consequences

if we’re talking about a witness to a crime, there are a lot of reasons why someone wouldn’t do anything in that situation, such as: doing something could get them seriously injured or killed

or they have anxiety or another problem that would prevent them from being able to interfere

or really any number of factors! They could be a child, they could be an abused child, they could be an abused adult, they could have been threatened, they could have a physical disability, the laws haven’t caught up with the crime, I mean really

calling someone an accomplice to “something” (also a very vague term but I’m assuming we’re talking crimes and oppression, here) demonizes them and puts them right up there with the perpetrator without even taking into account any of the fucking reasons why they would not—or could not—“do something”.

ugh, okay

now I’m going to go sleep

also I’m nocturnal again

And the poetry event that I wanted to go to today was actually announced (on monday) that it was being moved from today to… tuesday. As in, the 16th. I had enough gas to get to the campus and back for it but not enough to drive around last night and have friend shenanigans so now i’m just

I WISH I KNEW THIS SOONER

oh hey this account is still here

let me just… dust this off.

When I last left off this blog, I was rather emotionally compromised! Goodness, that was back in January. Uh.

Well I think there have still been moments where my brain will spit out something trauma related, but for the most part things have been mellowing out at my house. I still hold my breath over tense conversations, buuut!

I reached an interesting stage a while back: humor (in small doses). My mom has told me that she is so pissed that she worked hard on raising me+my sister in as healthy of an environment as she could by not repeating the same patterns she went through as a kid, and then this other completely unrelated family went and fucked that up for me. I laughed and I ended up saying “Well I’m doing pretty better now! I just… have a few issues in areas of basic human functioning, like eating. Or sleeping.” And so we had our little moments of dark humor over that.

It’s also just occurred to me that simply reading that as text doesn’t really describe the moment, but it was funny… to me and her, at least.

I catch myself noticing tiny differences in how I act or function as a result of Those Who Are They, and it’s just… little things. The way I open or close doors (AS QUIETLY AS POSSIBLE), or walk around the house—which also depends on where in the house I am. The walking-around one is the latest difference I’ve realized, and it’s one that came back to bite stab me in the foot recently.

See, the family that ended up being the cause of my trauma problems lived in a split-level house and the mom+stepdad moved their bedroom downstairs, and they went to bed really early. After they would go to sleep, I developed this habit of walking around their house by shuffling. I wouldn’t even lift my feet at all. I notice that I still do that when my family starts to fall asleep… in my own home. As if I am just a walking-cloud of Noise. It’s… weird.

Anyway, this ended up being how I got a splinter in my foot recently when I was shuffling my way around a friend’s apartment one night. I took it as a sign to notice this habit more and un-learn it. The therapy part of PTSD is long-over but there are still things that can be changed!

Speaking of changes..

I think a while back I was talking about post-traumatic growth and how I have not reached that stage. Well… I still don’t think I have, but I’m finding ways of gaining closure over the experience. Ultimately, I would like to go back to the park that is by my ex-friend’s former house (since I heard they moved, I would find going to that neighborhood would be a lot easier). I can’t go back to The House, obviously, but my ex-friend and I hung out there all the time with her baby sister so it is still an important site in relation to the trauma. It’d be a huge step, but I don’t feel good about trying it just yet. There’s a lot of memories I have about that place.

welp

i have a version of this post sitting in my drafts but tumblr is being an ass so here’s a condensed version

the other evening was a celebration of victory over triggers and literally the next evening (technically last night, although with my sleep schedule it’s still “today”) I had a minor meltdown during dinner and talked it out with my dad.

__(talking about traumastress symptoms and a bit about eating)__

cause like

I woke up just as mom was going to bed (like two hours early for her—she was really just going upstairs because she was pissed off at my aunt and dad for probably no reason), so my aunt was in a terrible mood and it carried over through dinner. She ended up making some kind of hostile remark to my dad and he remained pretty calm about it for someone who’s currently attempting to quit smoking

but even then, just that tiny amount of tension was enough to set me off and like

in the past, when there would be tension or arguments during dinner I would manage to keep it together pretty well but for some reason, this dinner was different

so I tried to hold it together for about five seconds before i started crying

whoops

and my dad was so confused because i don’t normally do that during dinner, but uhh

yeah

the part that i wanted to post about in the previous one involves eating habits but i wanted to put it behind a cut since i don’t really want to set off someone else’s eating problems

the short version of it is that my anxiety shuts off my appetite and that pisses me off, so

dad and i sat at the table and talked for a long time. i spilled my guts out to him about how i’m finding it weird to rediscover my identity post-therapy-post-trauma

since i couldn’t eat, he got me some juice and that was pretty rad

and i felt like ass for a few hours after i calmed down+had a tremor in my hands that lasted even longer, but both of those have ceased

everything is okay now :I

also there was this conversation earlier

that, before therapy, would have been insanely triggering

But I handled it really well!

AND

it was after I had dreamt about my ex best friend and started to feel triggered from something completely separate+earlier in the evening

celebrating the victories

fuck yes